Welcome to this tiny corner of the internet where an off-duty psychotherapist keeps the conversation going on how to make sense of this life thing we’re all doing. If you ever wondered what your therapist does off the clock—which, who among us hasn’t?—this is like that. Think of it as the adult equivalent of seeing your elementary school teacher at the grocery store picking out lemons. 🍋 I typically oscillate between long-form psychoeducation pieces and narrative essays—sometimes I smush them together. I also have a biweekly podcast with my husband & periodically do an advice-esque segment and roundups. This week I will be reflecting on the last 7 months since I began this newsletter, some odds and ends updates and what is on the horizon…
A little peek behind the curtain here. The ideas for this newsletter typically begin with a thought. Never fully formed, but urgent. Persistent at the doors of my mind (for those wondering, they are cream-colored French doors, affixed with brass knobs).
If I miss it, the thought returns.
(knock, knock, knockity-knock) Hellooooo.
If this dance repeats itself more than once, the thought begins to sound like Will Ferrell’s character in Wedding Crashers.1
“MOM!! The meatloaf!”
—except for in my brain it’s more like,
“WOMAN, ENOUGH WITH YOUR OTHER THOUGHTS. WRITE THIS DOWN!”
Despite the sass, I often now listen to these commands. They said it kindly the first few times and I just didn’t listen, so fair enough. This is a theme in my life.
I’ve started to pull over while driving if I feel it rumbling. Or forgo an immediate towel off post-shower to jot down some notes on my phone. While I’m sitting with Archie trying to follow the plot of Barbie Dreamhouse Adventure, I furiously transcribe my reflections.
(If you want the scientific explanation for why these interjections happens while you’re doing anything other than trying to be creative, here you go.)
So, they start as thoughts. A sentence or two. Less often, it’s a good chunk of the idea. Last week’s newsletter was like that. I pulled over and wrote until there wasn’t anything left. All inspired by a heinous pair of mittens.
Then, I plug away at them during breaks in my day between clients or while I’m doing the scramble requisite of parenting a 4.5 year old. I’m rarely sitting down in a quiet home, with a candle lit and jazz music playing (my ideal writing environment).
It often feels like I’m stealing time where I can. I’m sure this isn’t unusual. I daydream of what it could be like someday to have more committed time to writing. I’m certain it wouldn’t quite feel like I imagine it would. As we talked about last week, no to When/Then and yes to Now/What.
Today will be an experiment in what I can get done now in the hour and a half my son is gone for swim lessons. The candle is lit, espresso warm, and Jazz in the Background station from Spotify playing. A sliver of the dream.
Let’s see what happens, shall we?
7 months 🎉
I somehow missed the 6 month mark, so here we are at 7 months of this newsletter! What a meaningless number it is. Celebrating this milestone feels like when you have a baby or you’re in the beginning stages of a relationship and every quantifiable passage of time is worth noting. It may seem silly when you’re in the years, but when months are all you have, they feel significant.
Each one of those weeks, with the exception of one, I think, I’ve written and published. Sometimes, twice a week. Released a podcast with my husband, a therapist and a lawyer walk into a bar, sometimes weekly, sometimes every other.
Whenever I feel this endeavor is a waste or futile, which is pretty often, I try to remember, there once was nothing, and now there is something and that is something.
Coming soon to a newsletter near you…
I have a round-up coming soon where I’ll be talking about One Day from Netflix, new music and recipes I’m loving, as well as some movement practices I swear by. I also have a piece for
coming likely in April. In the meantime, here are some new segments I’m looking forward to rolling out in the coming months.dialoguing on dialogue
Part of the reason I named this newsletter dialoguing was because of how influential TV, film, and music were on my development. Long before I started my first therapeutic relationship as a client, listening to dialogue or lyrics of a song was my therapy. Learning about emotion, identity, and relationships through the words of someone else. A recognition that I wasn’t alone.
Emma Specter has this great column she does for Vogue where she narrates her thoughts as she watches a movie trailer, sees first looks of upcoming movies, or watches a movie itself. They always allure my little fingers to click, click, click on through.
I thought I could do my own spin on this, always crediting my inspiration, of course, weaving my personal reflections with any connected psychological concepts along the way.
Psychotheratrips
My husband and I went to Santa Fe a few years ago to celebrate his 40th. I felt a remarkable amount of self-imposed pressure to make the trip worthy of the occasion. During one of our dinners, he offered up a compliment to end all compliments for me. He shared that he thought I should write about my/our trips and/or help people plan trips and call them, you guessed it, psychotheratrips.
Day in the Life
I personally love reading Day in the Life posts. This may be the therapist in me, but there can never been enough detail about someone’s life IMO. The kind of mundaneness of the every day is very appealing to me. I guess another piece of the draw for me is that I often struggle the most in the common place issues. As I’ve mentioned before, I fare better in a crisis than I do at a grocery store.
I thought it could be useful to take some of the concepts I’ve spoken about before and talk about them in real time as I utilize them on an average day. Or when I painstakingly forget them all together, how I get back to baseline.
Questions for you:
Tell me, any of those ideas appeal to you? How are they landing?
Any movies, TV, or songs jumping out at you for dialoguing on dialogue?
You can find more info and my full disclaimer on my about page here (I recently updated my about page, so check her out and tell me what you think). Abridged version: I’m a therapist, but not your therapist—even if you are a client of mine ~hi, dear one!~ this isn’t a session. dialoguing is an educational and informational newsletter only, not a substitute for mental health treatment.
Also, if you’re interested in submitting a question for the dialogue league, recent example here, please email me at dialoguingsubstack@gmail.com—or if you’re reading this via email you can just hit reply and send me a message. Love hearing from you for any and all reasons!
If you liked this, you may also like:
Wedding Crashers Scene—I haven’t re-watched this in years. That may have to be a dialoguing on dialogue segment.
I too rarely have a minute to sit down and write for hours with the perfect setup and ambience. I have so many drafts and notes in my phone for future newsletters. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve grabbed my phone from the shower to write down a thought or paused a run to quickly type a sentence. I am so looking forward to these new projects. You’re really inspiring me on my creative journey! 🩵
I just came across your Substack and I’m intrigued by everything. I like how you were honest about only having a certain amount of time to write in. I’m so privileged in that my kids are older and not here half the time, and my day job leaves me with lots of spare time to write. So I’m endlessly impressed with people who manage to carve out bits of time here and there and still produce entertaining and thought-provoking content.