I’m reluctant to write about anything this week because I am a puddle…or dust…or a two-dimensional figure. I’m not sure which of those is right, but I do know I feel both depleted and full. This week marks the first of many (across the next 6 months) of my Internal Family Systems (IFS)1 intensive. A therapeutic model you learn by doing it with your classmates. Giving and receiving the treatment–over and over for 10 hours a day, 4 days in a row. It’s emotionally fulfilling and exhausting. I’d liken my state to being a tube of toothpaste with all it’s contents squeezed out.
While a part of me feels like that, my Self is showing up abundant and clear. And as such, I will proceed. Our topic of conversation today also feels very topical for your girl because my feelings in and around parenting have been top of mind throughout this training. IFS brings up stuff. I hesitate to label it “inner child” work, because that’s not exactly right, but it does have you wondering about the care you received throughout your life and definitely about how you respond in the role as parent.
I got this week’s topic from the
Friday Office Party hosted by (if you’re not a writer on Substack, this may be too inside baseball for you and I apologize, although maybe you’re curious how the metaphorical sausage is made). For those who don’t know, Sarah hosts an Office Party every Friday in an effort to connect those with similar interests. This week’s prompt was to suggest a topic you’d like someone else to cover. One person wrote that they wanted to read a piece of “candidly feeling grief, resentment, and other undesired emotions about your parenthood.” This jumped out at me as something I’ve been negotiating for years. Even more so the last week with this training and current challenges my husband and I are having in the parenting arena.I connected directly with the person who posed the question,
. She shared she was looking to hear from another parent who was willing to talk openly about their own experience in parenting, not necessarily a “how-to” manage these difficult feelings. Which is honestly a relief. I could do it and I have an approach (an IFS-informed one actually— I’ll briefly talk about later), but first and foremost just being honest about how this all feels seems more available to me right now. While I don’t know Cheniece personally and we likely have different challenges that elicit these same feelings of grief and resentment, my mirror neurons fired when I read her request. A sensing of another mother wondering, “Am I the only one feeling this way?”dialoguing is a newsletter from an off-duty psychotherapist keeping the conversation going on how to make sense of this life thing we’re all doing. if you ever wondered what your therapist does off the clock—which, who among us hasn’t?—this is like that. think of it as the adult equivalent of seeing your elementary school teacher at the grocery store picking out lemons. 🍋
what to expect from this edition:
mine: personal essay about what I learned this week–the spaciousness in removing moral judgments
ours: dialogue of the week—IFS and parenting
If you want more info and my full disclaimer check out the about page here. Abridged version: I’m a therapist, but not your therapist—even if you are a client of mine ~hi!~ this isn’t a session. dialoguing is an educational and informational newsletter only, not a substitute for mental health treatment. If you’re new here, a great place to start is my first ever edition of this newsletter.
Content Warning: Discussions around parenting and eating disorders.
dialoguing with myself: what I learned this week
The spaciousness in removing moral judgments
I’ve alluded to a challenge we’ve been having with our son, Archie, several times in previous newsletters2. I will continue to spare you the specifics. Not because it’s salacious or even all that interesting, but because the details are not mine to share. Now, my own feelings and struggles are all fair game.
Let’s start with what I hope is already obvious here in our corner of the internet: All feelings are OK. Literally, all. No exceptions.
But what if I hate parenting sometimes? But what if I want to run sometimes? But what if I dream I never did this at all? Those certainly can’t be OK feelings and thoughts to have, right?
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